Is there such a thing as a soul pet? There must be, Roo was certainly mine. We spoke volumes by just looking into each other’s eyes. He was smart, he was sassy. He went by many names, Roo, Wee Wee, Monkey, Little man to name a few, and he knew them all. He was spoiled and he loved it. And if you forgot, he reminded you who was in charge. He loved chasing pesky squirrels and protecting our home from the evil postman and fire breathing garbage trucks. He was independent and liked his space and he absolutely had no problem letting you know when it was time to set aside all things and give him belly rubs. He loved long power walks, especially when he tuckered out and had me carry him the rest of the way home!
How can letting go be the best and worst possible thing to do? He was diagnosed with cancer over a year ago and we did surgery and chemo and went as far as we could until we couldn’t anymore. Until there was no more we could do and it was time to just let him be happy and enjoy everything and anything he could until he couldn’t anymore. When the worse began to happen, it was time to let go. No mistake, it was torture for me. It was mercy for him.
Yesterday, I was watching videos I had taken of him and I found a video of when he was young, his first encounter of a big snow fall. We lived in an apartment then and it made me smile as I watched the excitement on his face as he gazed out in wonder, dancing around and eating the snow. However, later that night I felt anger. I wanted him back, healthy and happy. I want to scoop him up and hug him and dance with him and give him kisses. I want my baby back. But as I sit here I know I can’t let that anger consume me. That bundle of fur was a gift. All the years we had, the year we fought cancer, the summer he spent in peace and happiness. The strength I received to say goodbye. All gifts. And now I ask God for the gift of His peace and his strength to get through this. I’m looking out my window and I see falling leaves and falling snowflakes. Yes, snowflakes. How I wish my little Wee was here to see it.